Sincerely, Fear
by Monochrome Romance
Summary: Russia X America. Hope you enjoy. I'll upload the next chapter soon.
1. Chapter 1

**Sincerely, Fear**  
**I live for Russia and America, so I naturally support the pairing. Based on the song, Poison and I need a doctor, don't ask how.. rights to the song go to original owners. Of course, this won't just focus on Russia X America, it'll focus on other pairings further in, and BY THE WAY, i'm not all into the perfect pairing crap, no such thing. My story is gonna have angst, it's gonna have bumps in the road, and as the story continues, each problem is only going to get worse, so now you've had your warning. Buckle up, and if you don't like it, I couldn't care less.**

Ivan stared down at the table in front of him, quiet as usual, until Alfed spoke up, making the meeting about 100% louder than before. Despite how unlikely it seemed, only the Russian knew how truly innocent the perky blonde was. "I'm still thinking of genetically engineering a huge hero to save the Earth from global warming!" he called, getting Kiku's approval first. Within seconds, the room was engulfed in arguments angled at Alfred.  
"Okay.." Ivan murmured after a small silence fell over the room... again, exactly after one of Alfred's stupid plans were released... again. Ivan was beginning to think Alfred's plans were just as bad as the time Feliciano ran into the Conference Hall completely nude. "How exactly would a giant hero protect the Earth from global warming Alfred? When you make plans, you need to actually know what you're doing." he added politely. It had been the first time he'd spoken up in weeks, so naturally everyone stayed silent a moment longer. "Ivan has a point, Alfred." Kiku agreed, shaking his head. Ivan didn't doubt that the Asian could make it in no time at all, given his skills that applied to situations more otherworldly than this.  
"Well... I... I guess we'll just have to reopen this topic another time. I'm just glad you're finally talking, the last thing the world needs is for one of us to get injured or sick." Alfred murmured after a while, looking disappointed. With Alfred and himself being two of the larger countries, they sometimes would compete, and wouldn't get along. However, when they did, they would get just about as close as Alfred and Arthur, nothing more. That's why when he said something of that manner, especially in such a mature way, everyone was still quiet, expecting an arguement to suddenly break out between the two.  
"Speaking of one of us getting sick, tell me you aren't." Arthur spoke up, looking worried. "You're a lot calmer than usual." he explained. Alfred shot a glare at the Brit, suddenly getting annoyed. "Are you saying I can't be mature? Who are you to ask that? Besides, not like it's any of your business!" he snapped in reply, shaking his head and sitting down, this having Ivan almost convinced that the situation was really the other way around, and something truly was wrong with Alfred. This outburst had startled everyone, and it took awhile before everyone could pull themselves together from this topsy-turvy day, and continue. Ivan was almost certain the American was sending a look right his way, as if he were probing his brain for answers. _You're just now noticing how I usually act? How careless.. he thought, shaking his head slightly. Either that, or it's the first time he's letting it show.._ Ivan corrected himself.  
Yes, he was a little tired, tired of fighting, tired of how everyone judged him right off the first meeting, he only wanted someone to be patient with him, instead of shrinking away from every the Russian was perfectly healthy. He liked Alfred, not because of his exuberant character, but because he was smart enough to not be afraid of Ivan, or at least not let fear show either, despite how dumb being totally fearless was. "That concludes today's World Meeting." Ludwig said, standing up and grabbing his brief case, being the first to leave.  
Alfred was frustratedly scribbling things into his notebook that, nowadays, Ivan couldn't help but notice he carried everywhere. After being distracted by Arthur, who was trying to apologize without triggering another unexpected explosion, Alfred left, only he forgot his notebook. Ivan realized it probably wasn't wise to go and pick it up, but did it anyway, realizing Alfred would notice it only after he got home, and by then it would be too late.  
The Russian knew that it would be best to just take it with notebook had lined paper sticking out of it, some torn out, others that didn't even belong to the particular notebook. Almost every page had been written in, and the wild appearance of the red ring-notebook made the words 'THIS BELONGS TO THE HERO' on the front look exaggerated. Ivan smiled, tucking it into his own brief case and heading home, no intention of looking inside.  
He arrived at his house, vacant for now. He placed the brief case by the door, taking out the notebook, since he had instructed one of his underlings to sort through the brief case and make sure it's in order. He placed it on his end table, planning on giving it back next time he saw the other.  
Until he thought about it, he had no urge to look at the notebook's contents, but soon, he thought about it, and his curiosity couldn't be contained. He found himself peeping, expecting stupid drawings, notes, or even a diary, but no. What he found wasn't any of those, it was a collection of letters addressed to him, dating back to about five years ago, and further.  
Each one was for a different day, each one was different, but each with the same goal; to ask him why he was so cold, and why he kept his distance all the time. Every letter was in Alfred's handwriting, despite the fact that he always signed it with 'Anonymous'. It was touching, but not as much as shocking. He noticed that each had 'FAILURE', signed in the corner. "This is what has been wrong with him.." Ivan murmured, coming to the last page, to a letter that was written just the previous night, one that was much more different than the others, instead of asking, it was as if Alfred finally understood the answers, and it had a small star in the corner of the page this time.  
_Ivan,_  
_After stressing for so long over one letter, I've finally made the perfect one. I now understand why you keep your distance, why you're so silent, and why you're how you are. With how much you've been through, I realize now, that it's not because you're evil, or cruel, it's because you're scared. You're scared of a war, and you're sick of all the fighting, it's driven you crazy. I understand now, and I truly hope that you think of this letter as comforting, now that someone knows your pain._  
_ Sincerely,_  
_Fear_  
Ivan read this over, and over again, the ice cold that he always felt, melting away. "It took you five years to figure it out? Damn.. you're ignorant.." he murmured with a small smile, turning the page to see a hastily-written journal entry. "I hope this works, all I have to do is type out a copy of my letter, and sneak it to Ivan's house without being noticed... But I'm imagining the worst, and it's driving me nuts, maybe things will be better after I find out the outcome.." it said, making a chill creep down Ivan's spine.  
"This is going to freak him out, if he can't find his notebook, he'll surely go insane. It's weighing him down so much.." Ivan murmured softly, shaking his head, grabbing the phone and after a long pause, dialing Alfred's number and calling. "I-Ivan?" Alfred answered, sounding panicked. "Hello Alfred. What's the matter? You sound scared." he asked, hoping the other hadn't noticed already. "Oh, nothing, I lost something.. very important to me.." the American replied, getting choked up. "I have to go, I have to.. I have to go look for it.." he said after a while, getting frantic, not even giving Ivan a chance to respond before hanging up. "Although I'm reluctant to, I should go and see him in person.." Ivan murmured, thinking of what he would say. Hello Alfred, I saw the letter you wrote and..- no, no way would that work. Ivan shook his head, not caring at the moment. All he cared about was getting to Alfred, so he got in his car and took off towards the airport, hoping he could get there in time.  
After about nine hours, he arrived, tired, but relieved. As soon as he got what he had brought- which wasn't very much, given he planned on only staying for a few days, he got in the car and drove to Alfred's house, sitting in his car for quite a while when he arrived, knowing it wasn't too late to turn back. Ivan got out of his car anyway, and knocked on the door, hearing a small; "Come in, it's open," grumble from the back of the room.  
Ivan entered, seeing Alfred laying on the couch, clutching a pillow tightly to his chest, face buried in it. "Alfred...Sit up, it's okay.." Ivan said, standing by the silent man. His words made Alfred look up, startled. "I didn't think you were the type to come all this way to comfort someone." he murmured, sitting up and looking at the Russian. Ivan sat next to him, looking at the ground. "Thank you." Alfred murmured after a moment, adjusting his glasses.  
Now was the time, now was his chance, but what to say.. Despite how sudden it was, Alfred needed to hear how he felt. "Alfred.. I know about the notebook, and after what I saw, I should be the one thanking you, to be honest..." Ivan replied, pulling the other into a big bear hug. Alfred seemed startled at first, looking at the other, tense, but soon relaxed and hugged him back. "So you saw it.." he said softly, smiling. "And I loved the letter.. I'm glad that you understand..no one ever has before.." Ivan added, pulling away from the hug after noticing that the smallest contact made the Russian excited. No.. he's not mine.. I can't touch him. he thought, realizing just how much the other reminded him of deadly poison, so attractive to the eye, so dangerous though. Alfred looked a bit disappointed, but nodded softly, leaning in and giving him a small kiss on the nose.  
That was all Ivan could take. At it, he stood and headed for the door. "I have to go now, I left your notebook on the coffee table, I hope you didn't mind that I took out the letter.." he called, closing the door behind him, running fingers through his hair with a sigh. "It can't be more than friendship.. I'll tear him apart in the end. I'm too dangerous, I can go off at any moment, no reason required.." Ivan murmured, getting in his car and leaning his head against the headrest. "But soon he'll notice it, and knowing how stupid that American can be, he'll take what I put against him..and most likely die trying to hold on to the real me.. for my sake." Ivan said softly, starting the car and driving away to a hotel, keeping his distance from Alfred's house, not wanting to risk seeing him in public.  
In the end though, despite what he wanted, he ran straight into Alfred the next morning, while coming back from a cafe not more than a block from the hotel. He was casually strolling down the hall, when all of a sudden, he collided with someone from not paying attention, the other had been sprinting down the hallway. "Sorry dude!" the other said, getting on one knee to pick up the papers he had been carrying, Ivan doing the same to help. "It was my fault, I should have been paying attention." he murmured, both of the men looking up to see each other. "Ivan? What are you doing here?" Alfred asked, blinking. "I'm staying a few nights here.. I should be asking you the same thing." Ivan replied, knowing well that no emotion could express his utter dismay.  
"Meeting." Alfred simply said, smiling as he gathered up the rest of the papers. "I'm late. Hey! Do you want to go out for lunch when it's over?" he asked, still smiling. Ivan thought for a moment not seeing how a lunch date could hurt, before a British-accented voice called through the hallway. "Alfred!" it screamed, obviously agitated. "I'd love to. In front of the hotel at..." he trailed off questioningly, not knowing when the meeting got out. "One!" Alfred called behind him as he sprinted away. Ivan chuckled quietly, knowing that the encounter hadn't been that bad as he returned to his room for a nap.  
Alfred got out of his meeting about four hours after seeing Ivan, looking at his watch to see it was just about noon, so he walked over to Ivan's room, to visit him. A gentle knock on the door was all that was required in order to rouse Ivan, who opened the door right away. "Oh, Alfred.. You're here. Meeting over?" he asked, already dressed in a lavender colored turtleneck that drifted off a few inches below his hips, and faded blue jeans, since it was in the late transition between Summer and Autumn.  
This was what he usually wore when visiting Alfred's house, which he did often, since he liked how fun it was, and the clothing was comfortable. "Yep. Arthur wanted to come with us, if that was okay, he's in his room getting ready." this news made Ivan smile, glad that it wouldn't just be Alfred and himself. "Sure, the more the merrier, want to come in?" Ivan replied, opening the door a bit more, Alfred stepping inside. "Don't tell me your jet-lag has gotten worse.." Alfred murmured, not one to really be affected by jet-lag, since sleep really wasn't on his daily schedule. "Unlike you, I tend to sleep once and a while." Ivan chuckled softly.  
He liked what Alfred wore, not the suit he had been wearing earlier, but a hoodie, with the American flag design and baggy jeans, the sleeves of the hoodie rolled up the slightest bit, and a hip cocked in a relaxed posture. After a while, Alfred caught Ivan staring and smirked. "So, how has your day been?" he asked, walking over and sitting on the couch, leaning against Ivan teasingly.  
At this, the Russian tensed, sensing what Alfred was doing. "It was fine. I slept most of the day away. " he replied casually, glaring a little. "Stop that." he growled as Alfred was almost snuggling his shoulder. "No." Alfred whispered into his ear, and that was all it took. With that, Ivan grabbed him by the wrist and slammed him into the arm of the couch, pressing lips to Alfred's in a deep, forceful kiss, ignoring the muffled yelp that escaped the American's lips with the force of the impact. Ivan tasted blood, only to realize he'd bitten Alfred's lower lip enough to draw blood.  
"N-" the syllable barely escaped Alfred's lips, the kiss now broken as Ivan began to give little lovebites on Alfred's neck. Alfred was about to object, but realized he'd brought this on, and that if he wanted the real Ivan, he'd have to hold onto it, even when the other was like this. So he didn't fight back, despite how much it hurt him. Even though his efforts of holding back his pained cries had worked out pretty well, it all went down the drain when Ivan entered him so suddenly.  
"I-Ivan!" Alfred cried, but this just seemed to drive him on as he thrust all the way into Alfred, causing a violent, tear-choked noise to escape from Alfred, almost to the point of screaming. I'm not letting you go... he thought, closing his eyes and focused on the vision he had kept imprinted in his mind, Ivan's lighthearted laughter, his gentle smile. This was what kept him by Ivan's side, despite what he had just endured.  
Alfred opened his eyes, the room was silent, and empty. He saw that Ivan had left, but that eventually, he'd be back. He looked at the clock and saw it was fifteen to one in the afternoon, so a shower later, he was dressed and ready to go. "That wasn't Ivan. That wasn't someone I knew. If I stick to the belief that he's still in there somewhere, I'm sure it will lead somewhere." he murmured gently, looking out the window.  
He put up the hood on his hoodie to hide the bitemarks Ivan had put in plain sight. He was ten minutes late, but made it to the front of the building, to see Arthur and Ivan standing right there, both staring daggers at each other.  
END OF CHAPTER 1.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Sincerely, Fear~

To clarify something, this has no historical meaning. AT ALL, just a story.

Ivan had been overcome with his own desires, and didn't notice the agony he put Alfred through until the other had stopped moving. He looked down at him, curled up, trembling. "I'm sorry.." he whispered, knowing this would happen. He left as soon as he could, walking outside where Arthur stood, just about thirty minutes before they were supposed to meet.

"What are you doing outside so early?" he asked the Russian as he approached. "That depends, what are _you_ doing down here so early?" he shot back, avoiding the question. "I'm asking because Alfred isn't with you, he told me he was going to go see you. I needn't explain myself when it's Alfred I'm referring to. So I'll ask a different question; where's Alfred?" the Brit said coolly, narrowing his eyes.

"He's getting ready." Ivan said simply, knowing it was a lame thing to say, since he had already been dressed. Arthur stared at him for a moment longer before speaking again. "You'd best not hurt him..." he grumbled coldly.

They glared at each other for quite some time before the doors opened, and they saw Alfred walk outside, smiling as if nothing had happened. "Hey dudes!" he said, now grinning. "Alfred.." Ivan murmured, his voice barely audible, seeing so happy broke his heart, especially after what Ivan had done.

"Please tell me you're not taking us to McDonalds again.." Arthur said, looking surprised himself at the other. "Nope! I was going to, but Yao said he'd cook for us as a treat! So we're meeting Francis, Matthew and Yao at my house!" Alfred gushed, ushering them to his car excitedly.

When they arrived, their three friends were waiting in front of Alfred's house, waving as they pulled up to the driveway. "Long drive..." Alfred grumbled softly, stretching as he exited the vehicle. "Hey Alfie, Francis, Yao and I had a good idea, maybe tomorrow if none of us are doing anything, we could go to an amusement park, or to the indoor water park or something. We finally have time to relax, and we should celebrate." Matthew said, smiling softly.

This made Alfred smile back at his brother. "Sure! Sounds fun!" he said, excited at the idea. "That means you can all spend the night at my house, maybe we can invite Feliciano, Lovino, Kiku and Ludwig too, the more the merrier, I mean sure they've been a pain, but it would be nice getting together." Alfred added.

They nodded, and Alfred made a mental note to call the others later. "Lunch is ready, so let's go." Yao said after a small silence when the conversation died and no one knew what else to say, they all went inside, sitting down for lunch, which Alfred ate quite a bit of. He acted totally normal, besides that fact that every once in a while he would randomly zone out, mid-sentence as if deep in thought.

Ivan didn't notice this, nor Arthur, but Francis, Yao and Matthew certainly did, and as soon as they got the time alone with him, they made him explain. Arthur had gone to get icecream, and Ivan had gone with him to get soda. "Okay. You're safe. Speak." Alfred was cleaning up when Yao's voice sounded behind him, and he turned to see the trio cornering him to the sink. "About?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. He knew that he could confide in any of the three more than he ever could with Ivan and Arthur.

"Oh please. You've been acting weird all day!" Francis said, narrowing his eyes. "To be honest, we're worried.." Matthew whispered. Alfred shook his head and smiled. "Don't be. I'm fine.." he managed to choke out without beginning to cry, after which he began cleaning up again, wiping away tears that fell anyways. "A-Alfred.. why are you.. you're crying.." Matthew murmured, voice firm now. "You _have _to tell us.." Yao said, sounding almost desperate to know. Francis nodded, his expression solemn.

"Ivan.. I didn't want to say anything.." Alfred began, telling the others his story, what had happened so far, and what Ivan had done. He took off the hood on his hoodie to show them the bitemarks, which had, by now faded a little, the whole time they were silent, expressions changing every once in a while, Matthew would flinch, Francis just shook his head, Yao had the same 'I thought as much' expression throughout the story, as if he knew, sooner or later that this would happen.

"But I can't let go of him... I won't.. I don't want to break the grasp I have on him. I won't leave him alone, I'm not going to fail him like so many others have." Alfred murmured, putting the hood back over his head and continuing to clean up the dishes. "Now please.. leave me alone.." he mumbled, the trio turning and leaving the room. "We should to go Arthur.." Francis said as they went into the other room. "He can talk some sense into Alfred." the Frenchman added to his last statement. "Or we can go confront Ivan.." Matthew suggested.

"That would do no good. Despite how much I hate Ivan, I know him. He may hurt Alfred, but he won't kill him, not if he truly has feelings for the other. This will either die down, and Alfred will truly calm down his rage... or he'll lose his mind..and die trying to save him..There's no changing Alfred's mind this time, all we can do is support him.." Yao whispered, shaking his head gently. "_We_ have to hold onto _him_, or we risk losing him.." Matthew agreed, the realization making the air seem deadly.

Ivan and Arthur returned later to find Alfred at the TV, working with the settings, and pulling some mats out of the cabinet next to it where all his video games are. "What's this?" Ivan asked, not recognizing it at first. "I figured we'd play some DDR." Alfred replied, getting the game set up and calling the others.

Matthew gave him a questioning look, looking over to Francis. "Well if he didn't do something like this, his problems would be too obvious." Francis said to the Canadian, who nodded in reply. "I only have two mats... We'll just take turns." Alfred said, smiling at the others. "I'll play." Arthur said, smiling back as he entered the living room after putting away the groceries.

Francis hopped to it after that, taking a mat. "I will too." he said, smirking. "Wow Francis, I didn't think you were the dancing type.." Ivan observed, while Matthew and Alfred were trying not to laugh from their perch on the couch. "Oh Mon Amie, don't underestimate me. I'm certainly better than Arthur." he purred. "Not true!" Arthur snapped, getting excited when he spotted Bad Romance.

"This one!" he said, chosing it and acting as if he were at the Olympics when the music started. "Arthur.. It's a game.." Matthew murmured, seeing how serious he was. "Not when it's us two going against each other.." the Brit shot back, watching as the arrows started up the screen, hitting each one perfectly. Francis, however, was halfway off the mat, and still able to laugh, although when Arthur messed up, he would curse, or grumble to himself.

Little did Arthur know, that he had picked the remix, which was about ten times longer than the actual song. Five minutes had passed, and Francis had picked up on the beat, now catching up to Arthur in points. "I though it was only a few minutes long!" Francis cried, beginning to tire. "The remix, is like, ten." Alfred chuckled, beginning to laugh when Yao started to dance behind the others. "I'm ready for surrender anytime!" Arthur snickered, smirking. Alfred had gotten up and was now doing the same as Yao, following the arrows on the screen, even without a mat. "Never!" Francis replied, when all of a sudden, the power went out and they were plunged into the dark. After a few minutes of stumbling around, they realized it had been storming.

"Well..It got dark fast.." Ivan said softly, bumping into Alfred, making the American yelp loudly. "Alfred!" Arthur and Matthew were the first to react. "What happened?" Matthew asked, trying to find a flashlight or better yet, his brother. "N-nothing.. I just bumped into the wall, it startled me.. Y-you know how I am with the dark..." he whispered, now clinging to the Russian. In a manner of speaking, he wasn't lying, and to be honest, he was more scared of the dark than he was scared of Ivan, so he decided to take his chances with Ivan.

Francis was the first to find a flashlight, switching it on and pointing it at Arthur. "Is everyone here?" he asked, taking attendence and making sure everyone was okay. "Yao's missing.." Matthew said, sitting by Alfred, who was curled up on the couch under a blanket, a nervous wreck. "M-maybe a ghost took him.. if not though, Yao could be anywhere, my house is kind of, um...big." Alfred murmured.

"I was going to split us up into pairs to go look for him.. but it seems Alfred isn't going anywhere.." Arthur grumbled, finding another flashlight. "And he's going to have a heart attack if we leave him alone.." Francis added, shaking his head. "I'll stay with him." Ivan volunteered, leaning against the wall.

In an instant, both beams from both flashlights were focused on him, making Ivan cringe "Was that really necessary?" Ivan said, still grimacing at the bright light in his eyes. Arthur didn't like Ivan, didn't trust Ivan, and looked at him, slightly annoyed that the Russian beat him to volunteering. Francis, on the other hand, _Really _didn't trust him, and while he didn't hate him as much as Arthur, still _really_ hated him at the moment, and was angry because he most likely would have volunteered, just so he didn't have to walk the halls with Arthur.

The Frenchman was about to object, when a thought hit him, seeing this as an oppourtinity to have Ivan and Alfred make amends. "Sure." he said, gesturing for Arthur and Matthew to follow him down the hallway, ignoring the glares Arthur gave him. "Stupid git! You don't trust him anymore than me, what the hell?" Arthur growled when they were far enough to not be heard. "I trust him with Alfred. For once in your _loud_ life, will you shut up and trust me?" Francis grumbled, continuing down the hallway. "Yao!" he called, a chill going straight up his spine when he heard something running down the hallway, away from the group.

This got the group's attention. "That wasn't Yao..that was bigger.." Arthur said, shining his flashlight down the hallway the sound had been in; a dead end. "M-maybe Alfred was right.. maybe there is a ghost.." Matthew said, looking worried. "Don't be silly Matthew... There's no ghosts.." Francis soothed, uncertain, and even more so when a door right behind them slammed shut. "This is going to be a long night.." Matthew sighed shakily.

Alfred didn't say a word when the others left, he didn't know if it was because he was scared, or because he didn't know what to say at all. "Alfred.. I'm sorry.." Ivan whispered, taking Matthew's place on the couch, looking down at the American that had wrapped himself tightly in a bundle of blankets. He played with Alfred's hair a little, feeling guilty when he started to tremble at the touch. "That wasn't you." Alfred said after a while, throwing the blanket on the floor, just laying on his side, blank expression on his face, not like you could see it in the dark.

"You should stay away from me.. I can hurt you.. I don't want that." Ivan said softly, feeling Alfred stiffen right beside him, making him wonder what was so wrong about saying that. "Don't say that. I promise, I'm not going to leave you alone. I'll hold on as long as it takes. You understand _who I am_, that's all I could ask for, that's something I've wanted for so long.. You've never lectured me about my habits, you're one of the few people that accepts me." Alfred said firmly, looking up at him. "If I can't endure your worst, there's no way I deserve your best. Your best is so much better than I deserve at all..." the blonde murmured, sincerity in his voice.

"You're so stupid.." Ivan whispered softly, pulling him into a gentle embrace. "You're going to get yourself killed." he grumbled, feeling Alfred lay his head on the Russian's chest. "If that's what it takes. I'm done questioning myself.. it's love, that much I am certain of.." Alfred replied quietly as Ivan wrapped the other end of his lengthy scarf around the other's neck, feeling warm, secure.

"So if you have to hurt me, if you have to tear me apart, do it, just know that in the end, I'll forgive you, no matter what." Alfred said, closing his eyes. Ivan's warmth, his scent encased him, gently lulling Alfred to sleep, the sound of the other man's heartbeat, his gentle hold on the small of Alfred's back keeping him in his happy place, all other worries locked away. Ivan looked down at the other, now obviously asleep and dreaming safely. With this in his mind, he drifted off, holding Alfred close.

Francis had never really understood how it felt to be in a horror movie until now. They had been tripped, pushed and had to live through the horror of never knowing when you'd hear Yao start screaming, or a door slamming, even the occasional footsteps behind you.

"I'm convinced! It's a ghost!" Matthew said, everyone in the group huddling close together, out of breath and lost. "I'm convinced... my flashlight is dead.." Arthur grumbled after dropping it for about the twentieth time when another door slammed right in front of them. "Fantastic. Well, at least we have moonlight, no matter how little, that's something to be optimistic about, right Mattie?... Mattie?" he asked, turning and shining his flashlight.

"He's gone..." Arthur and Francis said in unison, seeing a shadow at the end of the hall... coming right at them. They paused for a moment more before running down the hall, bawling, the tears involuntarily streaming down their faces. "We're dead!" Francis cried, reaching a dead end in the hallway, hearing the footsteps coming closer.

Thinking quickly, they dove into a room right next to them, huddling together in a corner. The door opened, and figure peeked around the doorway, scanning the dark room, before walking away. "It's survival of the fittest.." Arthur said quietly, getting to his feet and taking down two curtains and holding up two of the bars that held them in place.

"We can use these as weapons.." he murmured, looking dead serious. Francis stared for a while at the Brit, having to process the idea. "I thought you were crazy.. but this is... it's...insane.." Francis murmured, but grabbed one when he heard Matthew start screaming from down the hall. "Let's go!" Francis said, running towards the noise, but when they opened the door of the room it came from, it was empty. The door slammed behind them, trapping the duo inside. Arthur pounded on it, sighing softly. "We're trapped.." he muttered, Francis surprising him by kicking the door open.

They escaped, and looked around, seeing the shadow running towards them again, running again as it gave chase, diving into another room. This time when it poked it's head into the room, Francis was behind the door, coming out and wacking it on the head with the bar. "Gah!" it cried, falling to the floor, face down. "Gotcha!" Arthur said excitedly, flipping on the flashlight, surprised to see a human male, wearing a ski mask, black skintight shirt, pants, and gloves. "A burglar!" Francis grumbled to himself. "Let's tie him up.." Arthur murmured.

The two had managed to find a chair and some rope, tying up their captive. After fifteen minutes of watching blood subtly drip out from under their ski mask, they woke up, flinching from the light. "You hit me with a metal _bar_! Mein gott! I didn't sign up for this!" the man yelled angrily. Francis and Arthur looked at him, surprised. "L-Ludwig?" Arthur asked, pulling off the ski mask to reveal the blonde. "Ja." he sighed. "What are you doing in Alfred's house?" Francis questioned, confused. "Yao called us up and asked us to help him with a prank.. I can't believe I agreed to this.. but Feli wouldn't shut up until I did. I will say it worked out better than I imagined." he chuckled, smiling a little

Arthur sighed, untying the other. "Tell Yao to turn the power back on before I hunt him down and kill him! We'll meet up in the livingroom." he ordered, watching as Francis handed Ludwig a handkerchief to stop the the bleeding on his forehead. "Kiku, Lovino and Feli are here too. You might want to hunt them down. I don't know where they are though." he said before walking downstairs.

Arthur was walking down the hall, a small squeak making him freeze. _"Brother Lovino? You're stepping on my foot.." _a voice said from inside a guest room. _"Shut up! Someone's going to hear you."_ another one growled back.

_"Is it our turn yet?" _

_"No! Oooh! I found candy in my pocket, want some Feli?"_

_"Si! Graci Lovino. Ooh! Ooh! There's someone behind you!"_

_"What the he-ow!"_

Arthur had been sneaking up on the two who were tucked away behind the bed, being spotted by Feliciano, and in the end, being attacked by a startled Lovino, wrestling the Italian to surrender. "Your little show is over boys." he growled, hellfire burning in his eyes. "S-sorry Arthur.. oh.. brother Lovino.. your nose is bleeding..that can't be good. I hope you don't die.." Feliciano whispered, poking Lovino's cheek.

Francis found Kiku, more or less on accident while the Japanese man was strolling through the hallway. Francis began to sneak up behind him, until the floor creaked, and instantly, the Asian turned and unsheathed his sword. Thankfully Francis still had his metal bar and blocked the blow, the 'sword' fight breaking out.

"What in the world.." he heard Kiku mutter, watching in horror as Kiku's sword came a little too close and sliced off a strand of his hair, leaving so much difference that he looked lopsided unless he cut an inch off of the rest of his hair. "No way!" he wailed as he kicked Kiku in the gut harshly, making the other fall back onto the floor. "Bastard.." Francis grumbled.

All was silent until the power came on. Kiku began to laugh at seeing Francis, realizing how badly the prank had backfired. "Oh dear.. look at your hair.." Kiku chuckled playfully, smiling. "Oui... I know.. it's terrible.." the Frenchman muttered, holding out a hand to help the other up.

As soon as the both men were standing, the door at the end of the hallway opened, Matthew poking his head out. "Aw.. so I guess the prank is over?" he asked, sounding disappointed, although he was smiling like a fool. Francis nodded, gesturing for them to follow as he led them to the meeting place.

"Ah, so Feliciano and Lovino weren't the ones who had given us away?" Kiku asked as they spotted the two Italians and Brit down the hall. "No! Why do you always assume that?" Lovino grumbled, crossing his arms. Francis smiled as he saw Arthur, the two greeting each other with a high-five, just this once. "Don't even start that." Lovino snapped at seeing the triumphant gesture, starting downstairs, Arthur and Francis tackling Yao when they saw him.

"Asshole! You had us scared to death!" Francis yelled as they wrestled on the livingroom floor. "What he said! We nearly had a heart attack, and don't even start with Alfred, even his hero complex was trembling! Bloody wanker!" Arthur growled as Matthew just laughed, watching them. "Both of you! Be quiet, you'll wake them up!" Yao snapped, the fight freezing. Arthur got to his feet and spotted the two on the couch, Alfred's arms wrapped around Ivan's neck, Ivan's arms wrapped around the small of Alfred's back, his face buried in Alfred's hair.

"This is quite surprising.." Kiku murmured, looking at the two. "Ve~ What's this?" Feliciano said, looking through the big red notebook on the coffee table, Arthur right behind him, scoffing in an almost mocking manner. "I had no idea Alfred was such a romantic type of guy." Yao said, who was also reading through the poetic letters. "Truly." Arthur mumbled, shaking his head softly.

"It's almost cute, if Alfred wasn't such an ass, and if Ivan weren't so creepy." Matthew added, stretching, now exhausted. "It's late, we should get some sleep for tomorrow." Feliciano said, beginning to beg Ludwig to sleep with him on the other couch like Alfred and Ivan were doing. "But it looks comfy!" Feliciano whined. "No." Ludwig grumbled, and for once that 'no,' stayed 'no,' when Feliciano ended up sleeping with his brother in one of the guest rooms, Yao getting the other couch, Kiku and Ludwig sharing another guest room, along with Francis and Arthur, who took the last guest room avalible. Within an hour, all was quiet, and everyone slept soundly.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I was so tired when I wrote this.. you have NO idea..

Alfred woke up the next morning, unwrapping Ivan's scarf from his neck and getting off of him,walking to the kitchen, looking at the clock to see it was just about five in the morning. After a glass of water he went to his room, taking off his hoodie that he didn't change out of, standing in front of his mirror, seeing the bruises all over his body, and the bitemarks on his neck. But after last night, they didn't seem to hurt anymore.

Alfred was pulling on a red longsleeve shirt and another pair of baggy jeans when everyone began to wake up. Ivan made his way upstairs after changing in the bathroom, thankful that he had brought clothing with him as well. He stood in Alfred's doorway, smiling gently at the other. "Everyone's going to see those.." he murmured, gesturing to the bitemarks.

"Everyone already knows anyway.." Alfred replied, giving Ivan a small peck on the cheek, about to go downstairs, when Ivan gently put a hand around Alfred's waist, pulling him back. "Don't leave me with that, a man has needs.." Ivan said softly, leaning in a for a kiss. For a while, Alfred wondered if he should pull back before something happened, but he decided against it, and kissed back. "Better?" Alfred asked gently, smiling softly.

"Much." Ivan purred before following the other downstairs where Francis, Matthew, Arthur and Feliciano stood, looking at the two uneasily for a moment before telling them what had happened the previous night. Their laughter woke Kiku and Yao, who, out of nowhere began talking about plushie sales, and wouldn't stop.

"So, Alfred, when were you going to tell me what this freak did to you?" Arthur asked dryly, glaring at Ivan, who after hearing that, wasn't in a very good mood. Alfred looked over at Francis. "Who told him?" he asked, glaring as Lovino and Ludwig came downstairs, who simply watched along with everyone else. "None of us did Alfred.." Yao said softly, frowning. "You three were the only ones that knew!" Alfred snapped.

"Look at yourself Alfred! You haven't been you for a long time! Yesterday you were looking over at him as if he were Death himself, and now look at your neck! It's obvious!" Arthur shot back. "It's none of your business." Alfred said softly, looking at him with a sorrowful expression, not wanting this to be anything more, beginning to leave the room, but unfortunately, Arthur disagreed, grabbing his forearm and pulling him back, pressing him to the wall so he would stay put.

Alfred's eyes widened, eyes softening as pain shot through his entire body, a choked sob escaping him, a dark stain of red beginning to rapidly spread across his shirt, proving there was something he had been hiding from everyone, even Ivan. Something more than a few cuts and bruises.

His knees buckled, and all of a sudden, he was on the floor, curled up in a trembling heap. Arthur knelt down, trying to lift up his shirt to see the wound, but Alfred wouldn't let him even get to the hem of his shirt, wouldn't even allow Arthur near him. "Kiku.. he's bleeding badly.. we have to get him patched up." Arthur said to the Japanese man, who quickly asked Ludwig if he could somehow get the other onto the couch.

"Not if he won't let anyone near.. It will only make the wound worse.." Ludwig explained, looking over at Ivan, who was sitting in the fetal position in the far corner of the room. "Can you?" he called, making the Russian look up. "No. Because I won't let him." Arthur snarled, looking over to Ludwig. "Do it, we can fix the wound anyway, despite the severity." he said urgently, sending Francis to get the first-aid kit and Yao to get a blanket.

Alfred shrieked and struggled as Ludwig picked him up, but managed to get the American on the couch, now too weak to move. The bleeding wasn't too bad anymore, but as he pulled up the stained part of Alfred's shirt, it was still enough to bring a gasp from many of the bystanders. Before him, was a hastily-wrapped wound, blood soaking the bandages, under which was a very deep wound created by none other than a broken Vodka bottle, tiny shards of the brown glass still embedded in the flesh.

"Oh dear.." Arthur murmured, stunned, not knowing what to do. "I can't.. I can't do this.." he said, shaking his head and backing away, the room falling silent, Alfred's shaken sobs being the only noise left. "Seriously?" Matthew said at last, grabbing the first-aid kit from Arthur, and, taking a deep breath, starting to work on saving his brother.

No one made a sound, and some time during the whole process, Ivan had gotten to his feet and gone to one of the deserted rooms, hiding in a closet. "I had no idea how brutal Ivan could be.. are you sure this was his doing?" Yao murmured as Matthew finished. "Check his hotel room. If there's any sign of a broken vodka bottle, than he did." Arthur added, looking around the room. "Where is he anyway?" he asked. Yao shrugged, shaking his head.

"I-it's not his fault..." Alfred said from the couch, eyes clearly portraying his fury. "He didn't do it on purpose!" he cried, biting back more tears, getting up. Despite Matthew's protests, not even Ludwig could stop him from finding Ivan.

After leaving everyone downstairs, he wandered through the halls, calling Ivan's name frantically, praying that he didn't leave. At last, he opened the closet of one of his empty rooms, seeing Ivan and collapsing right there. Ivan looked up in shock, Alfred gathering up the strength to begin crawling into his lap, weakly laying his head on Ivan's chest and pulling the door shut.

"I'm sorry Alfred.. All I do is cause trouble and-" Ivan started, but was interrupted. "Stop saying that Ivan... this will be over soon, just wait, I won't let them..." Alfred trailed off, exhausted, craving Ivan's warmth, his embrace.

Ivan wrapped his scarf around Alfred again, since the other was shirtless, and most likely cold. "I love you Alfred." he whispered to the now unconscious man who had done so much for him in such little time.

He didn't want to hurt Alfred again, but knowing how things usually turned out, and how stubborn Alfred was being when it came to leaving him, Ivan knew that he probably would. Ivan also knew, that he would try his hardest not to, despite the fact that Alfred would come around again, no matter what Ivan did.

_Damn him.. _Arthur thought angrily. "Is he trying to get himself killed?" he growled, clenching his fists. "Arthur.. it's not his fault..it's the kid's hero complex, he wants to save everyone." Francis murmured, shaking his head.

"But even he knows when it's a lost cause, you forget that..this time it's something more than a simple hero-complex. He admires Ivan, greatly, because Ivan is one of the only people who was his friend, and didn't stop to lecture him. Ivan accepted him, not out of his hunger for power, but their friendship is something real, even if it wasn't at first." Yao corrected Francis, making Kiku nod.

"It's a relationship that Alfred knows is something solid, and won't come toppling over unless one of us interferes. All he wants is something real, from someone who truly accepts who he is." the Japanese added. "We have to trust him not to fail on this." Matthew sighed, looking to Arthur. "My brother is a dumbass at times, but he also knows when enough is enough, in love or not. He's attached to Ivan, and if you tear him away, it's going to drive him crazy.. I know you care.. but you can't interfere this time." the Canadian said soothingly.

Arthur nodded reluctantly after a while, biting back tears. "I just hope that Ivan isn't going to drive him insane first.." the Brit mumbled, closing his eyes. After a long silence, Feliciano spoke up. "We've never had a chance to explore Alfred's house in daylight, I think it would be fun." he gushed, beginning to hop up and down with excitement. "Can we Ludwig? Please, please, please?" the Italian asked, grinning.

"I don't see why not." Kiku said before Ludwig had a chance to reply. "I don't know... What if we run into Ivan and Alfred? They're kind of.. annoyed at the moment." Ludwig said uneasily. "Oh please, they're probably hidden away somewhere, we just won't look into any closets." Yao coaxed, just as curious to see the extent of Alfred's house as everyone else.

Everyone agreed, and soon they had paired up together, Feliciano, Ludwig and Lovino in a group, Kiku and Yao had paired up together, and reluctantly, Francis and Arthur had paired up, thankfully they had Matthew to keep them from arguing over nothing though. "Let's meet up at two, it's already eleven, so we have plenty of time." Kiku instructed, and everyone was on their way.

Alfred woke thirty minutes later, to see Ivan had been awake the entire time. "Are you feeling any better?" Ivan murmured, smiling a little. Alfred nodded, despite the fact that the wound still hurt like hell, and his thoughts were still clouded as usual. "Good, let's go and get you another shirt." Ivan said softly. Alfred was freezing, since the heat wasn't working at the moment, and a clean shirt sounded like a good idea.

They opened the closet, and tip-toed down the hallway, to Alfred's room. Ivan locked the door behind them, having heard the others walking around the halls, and not wanting to deal with whatever they may dish out this time. Alfred already looked better as he pulled on a bright white sweater, running his fingers through his blonde hair, pulling his cow lick down momentarily, which fell straight back into place right after. His gaze shifted to the door, and then to Ivan.

"We can't avoid them forever.." he mumbled to the other, giving the other a blank stare. "We can for now." Ivan grumbled, annoyance in his voice. Alfred just shook his head and watched as Ivan lay down on the other's bed, at seeing this, the American couldn't resist a dog pile, jumping on top of him.

A light chuckle escaped Ivan as he smiled up at the other. "You're heavy!" he teased, looking into Alfred's twinkling blue eyes. "I bet you are too. Get over it." Alfred teased back, gently taking off the scarf that Ivan had wrapped around his neck while he slept, and putting it back on Ivan, pulling it into a loose knot. "It looks better on you.." Alfred said softly, closing his eyes tightly as Ivan reached up, expecting him to flick him on the forehead or something of the sort like Arthur used to when he did something like that, claiming that 'it was a sign of weakness', but the Russian surprised him by simply ruffling his hair. Alfred blushed gently at the gesture.

The doorhandle jiggled, and continued to jiggle some more before it made a quiet 'click.' Alfred and Ivan watched this happen, not knowing what had been going on before the door opened and there stood Lovino, Feliciano and Ludwig, their faces turning bright red when they saw the couple. "What the hell!" Alfred screeched, Ivan starting to laugh. "Usually when a door is locked, it's supposed to stay locked!" the American rambled, thrashing his arms to put emphasis into his words. "S-sorry to interrupt you.." Lovino said, still stunned.

Alfred fell silent, and blushed even more than he was already. "We weren't doing that! It's not what it looks like!" he whined loudly, trying to hide his embarrassment as Ivan continued to laugh from under him. Soon the laughter died down, and Alfie sighed softly, "Just lock the door and go away.." he grumbled, holding back laughter himself. The three left, leaving them alone again.

"I told you they were in there Ludwig.." Feliciano sighed, shaking his head. "For once I regret not listening to you.." the German replied, smiling softly. "At least that was worth it for what we've been seeing of Alfred's house, it's nice. A shame that he probably spends most of his time in the living room, playing video games.." Lovino grumbled, now annoyed after Alfred snapped at him. "Cheer up Lovino! Now we get to see the kitchen! I bet Alfred would like it if we made pasta for lunch, after all, we skipped breakfast." Felicianio said, trying to make his brother smile. {fat chance of that... -_- Get the stick out of your ass Romano.}

"I suppose.. but I'd rather make pizza.." he mumbled, a small smile at the corner of his lips, which he quickly bit back before the German next to him could notice. _That bastard is the reason Feliciano tossed you in the trash, he doesn't deserve the satisfation of seeing you in a good mood._ he told himself, flinching as Ludwig began speaking. "We could make that instead." he said, shrugging.

Lovino knew he was trying to say something without sparking an arguement, which was one thing Lovino wasn't in the mood to do right now. He was having fun, so for a moment, he dare meet the other's gaze with a silent exchange, that there would be no fighting here. Ludwig saw this and simply nodded, heart sinking as he knew as soon as they all parted from their vacation activities, that the arguing would just continue, and he'd never get close to even becoming friends with the other. He didn't let his sadness show as they ventured down the hallway, he kept it in as he always did.

Kiku and Yao made their way down the main hallway, Kiku being glad to be out of those tight, dark clothes they wore during the prank and into something more comfortable. "Where to first?" Yao asked him, smiling at the fact that he finally could spend some time with Kiku. "I think we should search for a library." Kiku chuckled softly. "If he has one, it's probably covered in dust." Yao agreed with the other's joke.

"Maybe it's somewhere down the older hallways.." Kiku murmured, taking a left to see a long corridor, dimly lighted that ended with a stone balcony. "I wonder if Alfred designed this.." Yao mused, opening a door to see a few shelves, overflowing with books, two plush grey chairs at one end of the room, a little bit of grey light peeking through the torn sheer white curtains that led out to another balcony.

The large light blue carpet was unraveling, and glass covered the floor. A coffee table rested between the chairs, a gun being the only thing on it. "Found it.. this wasn't what I expected though.." Yao said softly, opening the door a little more, avoiding the glass scattered over the floor. Occasionally he'd stop in his tracks to stare down at a particularly long shard of glass with blood on the edge of it. "I wonder what happened in here.." Kiku whispered as a gentle breeze rustled the curtains.

"Panic. That's what happened." the British accent said from behind Kiku, making him turn to see Arthur a lot closer than he'd prefer. "Excuse me?" Yao asked, raising an eyebrow at the solemn look in Arthur's eyes. "After our separation, Alfred locked up in this room to pull himself together. After a while, he wasn't sure he could make it alone, and knew it was too late to go back. It almost killed him, but he pulled through. I truly think this is evidence that Alfred's greatest threat is truly himself..He can be so hard on himself." he explained, shaking his head in slight disbelief.

"How do you know this? Did Alfred tell you?" Kiku asked, looking around. "He more or less dragged me here after I skipped out on his Independence Day party almost a decade after his rebellion." Arthur replied, smiling to himself. "That was the day I found that if he could pull through after something like this.. I could too." the Brit said softly.

"I suppose you could consider this part of the house a 'battlefield.'" Yao said, walking to the door and gesturing for Kiku to follow. "And the rest is history." Kiku added, closing the door. "The past is the past." Arthur said, nodding.

"Where are Matthew and Francis?" Yao asked, realizing for the first time that the other was alone. "I left them at the other library when they found Alfred's baby pictures.. I've seen them all already." Arthur mumbled, flashing another smile. "Hell.. I raised him.. I'm probably the one with the camera." he added as the started walking again.

"Arthur!" Francis called from down the hallway, ready to keep looking. "Got to go. Enjoy the rest of the house!" Arthur said, beginning a light jog towards Francis and Matthew, who were waiting at the beginning to the corridor for him to reach them.

"Interesting little history lesson.." Kiku said, smiling. "We're learning a lot about Alfred that I wish I never knew.." Yao murmured, looking at the ground. "He may be a jackass, but he has his moments where he's not a force to be triffled with, we've all seen that part of him..he has a dark side that nobody wants to see.. but then again, don't we all?" Kiku said softly, deep in thought.

"Yao.. I'm sorry.. I've treated you so harshly over the years, life is too precious for all this fighti-" "Hey, do you want a fortune cookie?" Yao interrupted Kiku's apology, but probably hadn't heard it in the first place, since Kiku had been whispering. "Shut up! I'm trying to apologize here!" Kiku exploded, making Yao fall silent. "I heard you.. but apologizing is no use.. I forgave you a long time ago Kiku.. I was never angry in the first place. Yes, you shut me out, but I never held it against you, because for a long time, I had done the same." Yao murmured, shaking his head.

Kiku stared for a long time at the shorter Asian holding out a fortune cookie, probably one he had made himself. "T-thank you.." Kiku said softly, taking the fortune cookie and unwrapping it, breaking it in two, nibbling on one of the pieces as he pulled out the fortune, which puzzled him. A single solid red heart lay in the dead center, he turned it over to see the numbers on the back, seeing his being the only one on there; "Twelve.." Kiku murmured to himself, blushing as what Yao was trying to say hit him.

"Y-Yao.." the Japanese man shook his head, holding back tears. _If only I knew sooner, this moment could have been avoided._ he thought, thinking of the relationship Gilbert and himself were in. True, the other was brutal sometimes, but the good times far outnumbered the bad. Gilbert was there when Kiku thought he had been alone, the German had done more than Yao ever had, and now, Yao can't even _voice_ his feelings. _How cowardly.. now you know why I shut you out Yao.._ Kiku murmured, voice barely audible.

"Nobody wants to get that from you. You should have just taken your feelings to Arthur, like you always have, you've always run to him. Coward." he said harshly, dropping the fortune on the ground like it was nothing, walking away, leaving Yao alone, again.

Yao only stood there, taking the bashes like they were routine, looking at the ground. "I still can never hate you Kiku.." Yao said softly, looking up, tears in his amber eyes. "But I won't hold on anymore, you're your own person.. what gives me the right?" he whispered, feeling about to lose his mind at this point, he just watched, not able to step up and say something, because he knew there was nothing he could say to bring back the Kiku that he had known and loved.


	4. Chapter 4

Sincerely, Fear.

Chapter 4.

ALERT: **If you don't already know, I am now changing the content rating to Mature, and it's my place as an author to tell you this, my loyal friends.. {My future underlings, who shall go and cosplay in my name while I perch on a gold throne and rule you from the safety of my over-AC'd, totally cluttered room. XD] Oh, and there's a FrUS alert. No. Not FrUK, but FrUS, little Alfie gets a taste of 'experience.'**

Alfred had fallen asleep again, sorely getting up to the sound of Ludwig knocking on his door. "Alfred, we have a problem, Lovino's gotten his hair stuck in the bottom of one of your consoles." the German sighed, Alfred getting to his feet and opening the door. "Is he hurt?" Alfred asked softly, trying not to laugh.

Ludwig glared at the American's total ignorance to how much pain Lovino was in right about now, but appreciated that he was focusing on the problem at hand for once. "No. Not as far as I know." Ludwig replied, seeing the other shake his head softly. "What's that for?" Ludwig asked, raising an eyebrow. "It's funny. Dude, I've been stuck under those consoles more times than you have for sure, I usually have to wait a few days for Yao or Arthur to show up and help me out." Alfred chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck, embarrassed.

When they finally reached the basement, the first thing Alfred noticed was the small puddle of blood gathering on the floor. "Frattello.. this hurts.." the Italian whimpered to his brother, who was at his side, looking down at him. "It's okay Lovino, Alfred's here!" he said excitedly, trying to cheer the other up. "The hell took you so long!" Lovino shrieked.

Alfred knelt down next to the stuck man. "You know, you kind of look like a terroist when people can't see your face." he said, smirking. "You wouldn't dare.." Feliciano said from beside him, shock in his eyes. "Probably not, at least not now." Alfred sighed, looking at the situation closely. "It's clamped pretty tightly, we could probably ease it out with some soap and water, it may take a while though, and he's bleeding-" "Oh just do it!" Lovino interrupted the other.

Alfred stood and ran to go get what they'd need, which really just included a small tub of warm, soapy water and a cloth. "This may sting a little.." Alfred muttered, wetting down the strands of hair caught, trying to avoid the wound, and certainly trying to avoid pulling any of the hair.

"Damned Frenchman, what is your problem? You don't even have anything worth bragging about, yet you always find something to brag about.." Arthur's voice growled from the top of the stairs.

"I always have-"

"Don't say it!"

"I was only going to say the Eiffel Tower.."

"Yes, I know. And it's _always_ sticking up. I truly wish you hadn't said anything."

"You brought it on yourself.. besides, you have Big Ben."

"You're sickening."

"Don't pretend you dislike it." Francis purred, Matthew simply following along, smiling to himself. "I was waiting for someone else to get stuck under there." Arthur grumbled when they reached the bottom and saw the other group. "Oh, hey Artie." Alfred said nonchalantly when the American noticed their presence. "Who are you bossing around now?" he said cruelly, making the Brit cringe.

"I haven't any problem with helping your family feud, but.. not now." Ludwig said, sighing softly, Alfred looking at him for a moment and nodding. "Okay, fine..." Alfred sighed, continuing to help Lovino, after a while, able to slowly ease the captive hair out of the grasp it was in. "I'll wash the blood out of his hair, you guys can go ahead.." Alfred murmured after checking the wound that had been made. It wasn't that bad, but hurt nonetheless.

Feliciano opened his mouth to object, but was stopped by Ludwig, who ushered the group upstairs. Alfred, now alone with Lovino, led him to the bathroom he had in the basement, able to get most of the blood out and do what he could to fix his injury. "Alfred?" Lovino murmured after a while, the warm water from the sink hitting his offended scalp. "Hm?" Alfred replied, too tired to form a regular reply. "Why are you so dedicated to Ivan, even after what he's done to you? You've never liked him before, why all of a sudden?" he asked, looking up at him.

A small smile graced Alfred's lips for a moment, and he closed his eyes, imagining Ivan's smile, the smile he loved so much. "To be honest, the one who did all that to me..I don't believe it was Ivan.. he has another side..the side that was once him tortured and ripped apart.. I'm one of the only people who pushes away my fear and thinks of what he's been through.. there's a side under there, a sweet side, and that's what I'm fighting for." Alfred replied. "It's not evil.. it's simply fear, you think that maybe you could relate... you get scared so easily, haven't you ever gotten so scared that you've thought of doing terrible, unmentionable things to your enemies?" Alfred asked, biting his bottom lip.

Lovino only stared for a long time, wondering how he could be so dumb. "But I'm not Ivan. I don't put those thoughts into actions like he does, and whether you like it or not, he's scared of everyone, and hates those people, even you Alfred. He's not only terrified _of_ you, but terrified of hurting you, why can't you see what you're doing? He's broken, you can't fix him, you can't save him." Lovino whispered, seeing the hurt form in Alfred's eyes. After Lovino had said that, Alfred didn't utter a single word in reply. Alfred didn't want to believe that, everyone deserved a second chance, and there was no way that the Russian's tortured past was going to keep that second chance from him.

All the groups had met up in the living room at the designated time, two in the afternoon, Alfred and Lovino joining them not long after, while Ivan still snoozed in Alfred's room. "Alfred, your house is so cool!" Feliciano purred excitedly. Alfred simply smiled softly and nodded his thanks. A small 'ding' sounded, making Lovino hop up and down, running to the kitchen as everyone followed to see him pull out two nice, home made pizzas. "My masterpiece!" he exclaimed, setting the pans down to cool.

"It looks great, Lovino." Kiku said, everyone happy to see the usually grumpy Italian smiling. The unspoken plan was to just wait until the pizzas cooled, so everyone just stood there, some looking at the food, others simply looking around the room with a dazed look on their face, however everyone was smiling in one form or another. This made it even more funny when Ivan walked in, staring for a moment before joining them.

Five minutes had passed, and finally someone spoke up. "This is getting weird.." Matthew murmured. "I agree.." Francis added, several more agreements going through the group only silenced by the ring of Ivan's cell phone, which he answered reluctantly. After a short, monotone conversation, he hung up and looked at Alfred apologetically. "I have to go. Unexpected meeting." he murmured, getting his shoes on and grabbing the bag he had brought, waving goodbye before leaving.

"Good." Arthur grumbled, earning a glare from Alfred. "What is your problem?" Alfred shouted, tackling the other, hands around the Brit's throat. This was driving him insane, and he couldn't take it anymore. "Shut your mouth for once!" Alfred snarled, all of his good sense out the window. Francis was instantly pulling him away from the other in a tight grip, before someone got hurt. "Enough Alfred! This has gotten out of hand!" the Frenchman cried.

It took a while, but with Ludwig and a reluctant Lovino's help, Alfred finally calmed, and was taken into another room with Francis. "Arthur, I know you're angry, but all you'll do is get him hyped up on anger. He's already stressed enough from Ivan." Yao sighed, getting stressed himself, westerners had no sense.

"That's why I'm angry! Bloody hell! Why can't you see that Ivan is going to tear away all innocence Alfred has left? The Revolutionary war didn't break him, but got close enough,the Civil war almost killed him, and although he was strong enough to live through the war of 1812, you saw how terrified he was in the Cold War, face it, he's scared of Ivan! This is totally different, he's purposely losing this, and it's not even a war!" Arthur worried aloud.

"If he doesn't simply break, this is going to kill him Yao!" Arthur shouted, desperate at the time. "And all I can do is encourage him to keep killing himself?" Matthew added, understanding Arthur's logic. "I know he's strong," Matthew started after receiving a dirty look from Yao and Kiku, who were on Alfred's side at the moment.

"But eventually, he's going to break if this doesn't work, and lately, the odds haven't been in his favor. [Lol]" he finished, the room falling silent. "Like Grandpa Rome...Alfred will get too busy trying to manage Ivan's rage, that he won't be able to control his own emotions." Feliciano whispered. "He's an independant nation. He can make his own choices, and he suffers whatever consequences come with it. All we can do, is either shut him out, or support him." Yao said after a while, feeling the scale of what he believed starting to shift.

Arthur did have a point, they all did, but as long as a few believed in Alfred, he had a chance of surviving this. "So if all you're going to do is reject what he does, stay away from him. You're only killing him more." Yao growled, taking a hostile tone with the other, growing even more agitated by his shocked expression.

"Alfie, is it okay if I call you that?" Francis murmured when he was calm, and sitting on the couch wearily. Alfred simply nodded, since almost everyone called him Alfie, Francis just had the respect to ask him first. "You're in this too deep to back out." Francis said softly when he got the reply. "Nobody is on your side, or so it seems. But you're smart, you're strong, why are you hesitating?" Francis asked, trying to be empathetic, but couldn't when he didn't know how to put himself in the other's shoes.

"Because..." Alfred began, feeling his throat get tight just thinking about it. He forced a choked breath, closing his eyes to avoid tears. "Because I'm this far in.. and I want to help Ivan.. the thing is... I don't know where to start." Alfred admitted. "To be honest, by now, I had thought I'd be either forced to stay away from him, or dead at the least.." he sighed, pulling himself into the fetal position on the loveseat he was on, an awkward position for the wounded nation at the moment.

"Ah, now I understand. The price that comes with seeing the good things about him, is seeing the wounds and scars of the past, it seems to consume him, and that intimidates you to the point of wanting to help him. But you don't know how to sort through the mess that he is, oui?" Francis asked after Alfred had a chance to readjust. "Yeah.. Pretty much. Artie isn't helping.. It's frustrating, having to deal with these scars, and the broken man that Ivan is, while dealing with the other's disapproval." Alfred whispered, looking down at his jean-clad knees.

"I'm not on Angleterre's side, but I will say one thing.. you need to sort through your shattered memories and emotions, before you start on Ivan. If you can move on, you can help Ivan do the same." Francis advised, warmth in his voice. Alfred raised an eyebrow, confused at this piece of advise.

"I see it in your eyes. When you look at Ludwig, Arthur, and everyone who you've fought off on your road to power, even Ivan, you love him, and understand him, but you're still terrified after all he's done to you." the long-haired blonde explained, knowing that Alfred knew exactly what he had meant.

"You can't forgive, because it feels like someone is always against you. It's called a defense mechanism Alfred." Francis murmured, crossing his arms. Alfred let a long sigh break the silence, and nodded after a few minutes. "Thank you Francis." he said softly, smiling timidly. Francis simply nodded in return, deep in thought.

Alfred stood to leave the room, until he felt himself being pulled back by the hem of his shirt. He hit the couch with a soft landing, and was perfectly fine until he noticed Francis straddling him, a hand over the American's mouth. "W-what are you doing?" Alfred asked when Francis let him speak.

"I'm doing both of us a favor... I can't have you, despite how much I want you..." he whispered gently, sorrow in his eyes. "And Ivan only hurts you. He's not here, and I can tell from how tense you are.." Francis continued, only confusing Alfred more.

The European leaned down, whispering a quiet; _"You need this." _into Alfred's ear, a crimson blush consuming his face. "No. We'll get caught, and I won't betray Ivan like that.. I can't." Francis's eyes softened as his face got uncomfortably close to Alfred's own. "Why not? You don't owe him your loyalty, not yet. I'm not exactly excited about doing it right here, but neither of us can wait, be honest with yourself, if you can't be honest with me.." Francis murmured softly, leaning in and capturing the other's lips in a kiss.

The gentle rhythm that his tongue had enticed the American into submission, because he couldn't resist the gentle fingers trailing down his neck, nor could he neglect his now painful erection that Francis had given him. It was true, he needed this, but when it was Francis, it just seemed out of place, like a puzzle piece that fit in a designated place, but even still didn't belong there.

"Damn.." Alfred grunted when Francis pulled away from his lips, which Alfred truly didn't want the other to do. He bit back a yelp of surprise when gloved fingers undid his jeans and took his solid member into a gentle grasp, stroking his shaft in an almost teasing motion. Climax felt close, too close in such a short time. A muffled whimper slid out instinctively, which the American regretted allowing, not wanting to show Francis how much he truly needed this, something gentle, something that wasn't going to hurt him and only make him crave a gentle touch more.

Francis sensed Alfred's dismay at being so close, and ceased the perfectly timed strokes to his manhood, tenderly nibbling Alfred's ear. The Frenchman had a relaxed posture, dominant, yet so submissive, the other practically begging for attention. Alfred saw this, and despite his track record of topping with men- which had been next to nobody, he hooked an arm around Francis's waist and swiftly pulled him to the floor, taking charge.

"Ah, you pay more attention than it's worth." Francis mumbled, out of breath. Truly, he was excited to see how far the other's innocence would get him in this situation, but the American did have a way of surprising him for sure, this was one of those times.

Alfred left a soft love bite on Francis's shoulder, that faded away not more than two minutes after, showing that Alfred clearly knew what he was doing, even if not necessarily with a man. Light fingers undid the two single buttons on the polo shirt that Francis wore, sliding it over the other's head with a smooth motion. Alfred's strong, firm hands tracing the gentle arch of the Frenchman's back, goosebumps running over him like a Summer breeze, gone as soon as it came when Alfred left tentative little kisses on Francis's neck, fingers lingering over a surprisingly smooth chest.

It took Francis a while to realize that Alfred was toying with him in all the right ways, obviously not one to get straight down to business. Francis had learned that you could tell a lot about a person by their actions during sex, more than you ever could by a business relationship, or even some crazy 'psychic' that sat on the street corner. Only when two bodies were able to truly know each other by everything of touch and even beyond that, was when you could truly know about the soul occupying it.

"I have underestimated you, mon amour.." Francis managed to choke out, cheeks pink with frustration and the like. "T-that wouldn't be the first time.." the elder heard Alfred whisper nervously, scared of hurting him. Francis could guess that Alfred wasn't very experienced when it came to being on top with anyone other than a woman, so to be honest, the most comforting thing he could do was flash a reassuring smile.

"You're good.." Francis panted gently, earning a short, winded chuckle from the dominant man. "I can only picture you saying that for some reason." he murmured, fumbling around with the zipper on Francis's jeans, watching the other's own erection come popping out, Francis feeling embarrassed by it, something he rarely felt during these activities. A wave of dark pink spread across his face, sweat beading on his forehead for the third time, failing once more after struggling to keep his cool.

In full honestly, he wanted to cry for more, and even if he happened to _not_ care about what that made him look like, it would still be impossible, choked with something between tears and lust, this was the first time he truly hated the other right now, and ridiculously enough, he had no reason at all. Francis looked up at Alfred, tears in his eyes that he wanted so badly to wipe away, finally understanding how Ivan could so openly hurt him; because it was so exhilarating to.

Since Alfred was so much stronger, so much more powerful than Francis, yet was able to allow mercy along the way, to be so chivalrous to even your enemy, was the true sign of a hero. It was pure envy that made him feel in control whenever Alfred was a trembling mess like now, so hesitant, so pure compared to most of the other nations here.

Francis was ripped from thought by the sudden penetration, arching his back. He closed his eyes tightly as a throaty whimper sounded, failing to muffle it, the only thing he could do was hope that he wasn't heard in the other room. "Francis.. loosen up will you? Damn you're tight.." Alfred said softly, half-expecting him to be more relaxed. "M-most of the time... I c-could. S-sorry." Francis stuttered, beginning to tremble. Something about Alfred turned him into his reverse self, and at this point he couldn't tell if he wanted it or not.

Alfred couldn't help but realize how hot the room felt above all else, especially when he finally hit his peak, failing to pull out before he did so, hearing Francis's muffled yelp that eventually turned into a lustful pant, clenching his fists and closing his eyes again to hide his frustrated tears. The world spun around him, vision turning to a blinding white as he came, gripping the fabric of the couch gently. Afterwards he lay there, shivering with exhaustion. Alfred pulled out and brushed some hair out of the other's face.

"Are you okay?" Alfred whispered watching as Francis nodded wearily, sitting up and giving Alfred a quick kiss, smiling gently. "Even if Ivan pushes you away, I won't Alfred..I don't care what I have to do. If you want me, nothing can keep us apart." Francis said quietly. Alfred smiled, nodding once, appreciating the support, glad that someone, even Francis, would say something like that and mean it. A knock sounded on the door, causing Alfred and Francis to get to their feet and dress. "Yeah?" Alfred called, pulling on his shirt.

"It's me.." Feliciano called from the other side of the door, Alfred finished dressing and put on his glasses, opening the door. "Are you alright?" the Italian questioned softly. "Yeah, Francis isn't feeling too hot though." Alfred replied. "Nonsense. I just need a shower and then I'll be fine." Francis called from the back of the room, pretending to look sick. "Go ahead." Alfred urged, gesturing for the Frenchman to leave first.

The two emerged into the living room, everyone turning to look at them. "Do we all understand the situation now?" Yao asked, Alfred nodded, along with Arthur and gradually the rest of the group did also. "Great. So now that you all have pulled the stick out of your ass, let's eat, I'm starving!" Lovino said.


	5. Chapter 5

**This is a short chapter that I'm pretty insecure about.. writer's block does that to ya.**

After lunch, they all parted, except for Francis and Alfred, who stayed in the livingroom after goodbyes. "I'm still concerned what's going to happen if Ivan finds out about us Francis.. Dude, I can barely handle him.. you on the other hand.." Alfred trailed off, not wanting to insult him.

"I know, it's okay Alfred. It's a risk I'm willing to take." Francis murmured, leaning against Alfred's shoulder, a small smile on his face. He knew well what would happen if Alfred and himself were found out- by anyone. There was chance that Alfred and Arthur would start another war, an unnecessary one at that.

"Okay.." Alfred sighed, shaking his head a little bit at the idea of another war between Arthur and himself. "I just hope you're right." Alfred muttered, looking up at his ceiling, wondering if all this concern was worth it. "Well, I'm glad that I'm not alone in this. Thank you Francis." Alfred said, kissing the other on the top of the head. Francis smiled an honest smile, nodding a little. "I can't leave you alone for something like this, are you joking? I've loved you for too long to go against you like that. But given you don't have feelings for me.. I suppose I'd be... what do you call it? A friend with benefits?" Francis asked, chuckling gently.

Alfred felt like a player, truly. He didn't love Francis, yet he was still slutting around with him behind Ivan's back, like he used to with the girls, until Arthur set him straight for that. _It isn't that bad..I'm just doing it for a little while.. it won't be anything more than this.. but if Francis decides he doesn't want to share. Or if Ivan finds out, it will be catastrophic.._

"Dude, you know what sounds good right now?" Alfred said, trying to focus his thoughts on something better. "I can only guess... most likely diabetes?" Francis asked, chuckling at his little joke. "A milkshake sounds awesome.." Alfred said, ignoring that joke, although he smiled a bit at hearing it, because it had been so long since anyone could be normal around him. "Let's go get one then." Francis chuckled, standing and going into the kitchen, knowing the milkshakes that Alfred was talking about were the ones the American made himself.

Alfred paused as he entered the kitchen, thinking to himself. "Actually.. I have something more fun in mind.." he said, getting four plastic bags, two of which being sandwich sized, and the other too a bit bigger. He filled the small ones with a little bit of salt, sugar, vanilla extract, milk and chocolate syrup, sealing them before filling the other two with salt and icecubes and putting the smaller bags in them. "Home made icecream!" he chuckled, handing a bag to Francis, who looked at it as if it were poison. "What am I supposed to do?" he asked reluctantly.

"Dude, you shake it!" Alfred laughed, beginning to randomly swing his around. Francis watched, and he had to admit; it did look fun, so he began to follow suit. After a few minutes of shaking, Francis accidentally hit Alfred with the bag. "Sorry!" he gasped, looking puzzled when he heard Alfred's laughter. "No problem dude!" he said, hitting Francis back. It didn't hurt, but it got him wet, and that was how the little 'war' broke out. "Come back mon cher!" he said, a playful tone of insanity to his voice as he chased Alfred around, the two of them slipping and sliding in the water that got on the floor.

Alfred began to grow short of breath, seeing Francis slip fall to the ground, _hard._ The impact wasn't enough to hurt a nation, but the overly-exaggerated agony was certainly enough to entertain anyone. "My love!" Alfred cried, a playful tone to his voice as Francis lay flat on his back. "A-Alfred... I don't think I'll make it.." Francis mimicked his tone, trying his best not to grin. "B-but.. the ice Francis... It's melting.. we must.. we must put this in the freezer!" Alfred said dramatically, pulling Francis into a piggyback ride, trying his best to avoid the water on the floor. All of a sudden, out of nowhere a wild ice cube appeared, Alfred slipping on it. "SonofAbitch!" he said, landing face down on the floor, Francis on top of him, beginning to laugh loudly. "Oh mon amour... the look on your face..." he purred, helping Alfred to his feet.

Together they put the bags in the freezer, begginning to clean up the water and change clothes. After an hour or so, they repeated the cycle with the bags and did this for the rest of the day, somewhere along the road they brought out water guns, almost spilling the icecream-to-be.

Sunset came, and Alfred took out the icecream, pouring the creamy mixture into bowls and grabbing spoons, the two of them sitting on the back pourch, eating their desserts. "I had fun today.." Francis said softly, watching the sun sink behind the hills as he took a bite of the sweet dessert that tasted like chocolate and faintly of vanilla. "I did too, to be honest, more fun today than I've had in a year, with Arthur, with _anyone_ really." Alfred admitted, smiling to himself. They sat in silence after that, in the end Francis stayed an extra night, in the guest room.

Alfred woke to hear the Frenchman whispering from the back pourch through his open window, most likely on the phone. _He's asleep now, I checked. He's okay, to be honest I'm kind of worried this won't work with him, but we can try, right? Yes.. okay.. good night mon cher._ he said, hanging up the phone and going back inside. Alfred was tired, and didn't really think about it much, having been listening while only half awake. After a few seconds, he had forgotten it and fallen back asleep.

Francis awoke in the morning, to hear the birds singing and the wind gently rustling the trees outside. Sitting up in bed, he realized how badly Alfred would hurt after what Arthur and himself had planned. "I was raised to know better than to toy with the hearts of others.." he whispered, sighing as he stood and went into Alfred's room, leaning down and kissing him on the forehead softly, rousing the younger man. "Oh mon amour.. wake up.." he mumbled, the blonde opening his innocent baby blue eyes. "Dude.. what time is it?" he asked, sighing heavily as he saw the dawn sky outside just barely beginning to turn grey. "Eight in the morning I think." Francis replied.

Alfred's phone buzzed, the man flipping it open. "Yo, Alfred here." he said, hearing sobbing one the other line. "A-Alfred.. I need you at my house.. Alfred, Ivan came over and he.. I can't even..." Arthur whimpered, an agonized cry sounding. Alfred's heart began beating rapidly. "Okay Artie! I'm coming! Can you wait until night time? " he asked, alarmed. A long silence followed this question, only scaring Alfred even more. "Arthur!" he called ino the phone, "I think so.." he whined after a few more seconds. "Okay dude... it's gonna be okay, sit tight." He hung up, stood and explained the situation to Francis. Afterwards he didn't even bother to shower and simply dressed, knowing that it could wait if he wanted to get to London as fast as possible. "Let's take my car, I'll go with you." the Frenchman said hurriedly as he grabbed up his things and led the American to his car, getting in the driver's seat and speeding to the airport.

Throughout the day, Alfred squirmed in his seat, listening to the usual noise that came from a crowded airplane. _What did Ivan do to Arthur? Is he okay? What's he doing now?_ were the questions in his head, and Francis looked guilty, Alfred dismissed this, figuring it was the Frenchman's big brother instinct kicking in, making him feel like he should have been there to protect him.

They arrived, and after taking a bus to the home Alfred had in Britain to get his car, they again sped to Arthur's house at a speed that was surely illegal. They arrived, and approached the house. Did Alfred really want to go in and see the distressed man that lay beyond that door? He traded glances with Francis, before opening the door. "Artie! We're here!" Alfred called, hearing a grunt from the kitchen. "In here.." Arthur said gently. Alfred led the way into the kitchen, Francis following.

The room was dark, moonlight shining onto the wooden floor. "Nice of you to come." Arthur said, who was standing in a dark corner, allowing Alfred to take a few more steps toward him. "Artie... what's wrong?" Alfred asked timidly, beginning to put the pieces together, knowing that he had been tricked. "Forgive me.." Francis said as he closed the kitchen door, locking it and together the two men somehow found a way to pin the betrayed nation to the floor and inject a strange pink liquid into him, it glowed faintly, and within seconds he was put into a deep, dark little world where it was only him and nobody else. He was dropped off in a place none other than the antagonizing void of a coma, one that no medicine, nor time could cure. A coma that only Arthur Kirkland himself could break.

"Angleterre, is this really wise? I know you care about him.. but this may be going too far.." Francis mumbled, looking over at the Brit with fearful, almost pleading eyes. "It's the only way to keep him away from Ivan, we keep him hostage, and if Ivan promises to stay away from Alfred, we'll bring him back unharmed. But if he doesn't.. we'll bring Alfred back.. in a few pieces.." Arthur said reluctantly. "If Alfred wants to play a Russian Roulette.. then I'll let him, but if he dies in the end, it will be by my hand only." Arthur grumbled. Arthur wouldn't kill Alfred, he couldn't, he could only hope his plan played through perfectly.


	6. ATTENTION

ATTENTION MY DEARS.

I will no longer be posting on any of my stories until they are completed, due to the writer's trench that I have fallen into.

BUT. They will still be up for your viewing. Please feel welcome to view my other story which IS complete, the pairing being America and Belarus. I will update daily while I work on climbing out of this fucking trench.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter six

{By the way, hearing Yao say 'Aru' after every word, annoys the living fuck out of me. I only did it here so you'd know it was him later in the story.}

Alfred woke to see Arthur standing over him, the creepy old spell book he carried around in his hand. "Thank goodness, at first I imagined you'd never wake up." Arthur said, smiling wearily. Alfred attempted to move, but his hands were bound. "Arthur! What the hell! Let me go!" Alfred hissed, freaking out, but made haste to burst into tears when he spotted Francis. "Y-you? You lied? You said you'd be there, you said you cared! You and Arthur are the same person when it comes to it huh? Abandoning the ones who trust you.." Alfred whined, seeing Francis's eyes cloud with guilt. "You see.. Alfred.. I thought you had this under control at first.. I supported you.. but now.. just know this is for your own good." The French murmured before leaving the room. "No.. this is about the two of you not able to resist the chance to make me miserable, or take away the one good thing in my life because you're too jealous or overprotective to let me do what I want. I'm not a child!" Alfred screeched after him. "You're going to thank me later" Arthur said, showing no emotion. "Ivan has you totally brainwashed. At first I was going to blackmail Ivan... but now I think I'll just wash all memory of him completely away. It will be painless... I promise." Arthur failed to soothe the other, who was sobbing with frustration.

"What gives you the right? It's my life.. I gained my independence from you. You have no say in what I do.." Alfred whimpered. "You're perfectly independent. But you know why I'm continuing to do this? You have the power to tell me when to step off. Hell, you could break your bonds right now, but the truth is, you don't want Ivan around, you're as terrifed of him as everyone else is. You_ know_ that you can't fix his broken head. You want to be there to hold him, to restrain him because your hero complex tells you to. But deep, deep inside you know that you've already failed, and as much as you hate the thought, it hits you every time you close your eyes, to the point you're tearing yourself into pieces." Arthur explained. It was true.. in honesty.. he hated Ivan for what he knew wasn't the Russian's fault. It was his fault for biting off more than he could chew, and when someone brought it up, it angered him so much he couldn't even talk about it. But something kept him there, something other than his undying devotion to be a hero... it was this ache he felt deep in his chest when Ivan wasn't there, when every moment depended on him playing that one second right.

Alfred looked at the ceiling, shivering with the thought of not remembering Ivan anymore... it didn't seem possible, to forget the one he... he dare say he loved. He said it so freely though.. maybe it was just a phantasm.

_"Well.. hello little one. What's your name?"_

_**That day he took my hand for the first time...**_

_Alfred stared back, eyes wide at the bigger nation, he was huge! "I'm Alfred!" he chirped. _

_**What I had felt then was friendship... I didn't even know his name. **_

_"Privyet Alfred, I'm Ivan. It's nice to meet you.. but where's your country? You're just a colony.. you're too small to be on your own." he said, worry in his voice. _

_**But he acted different around me... he was conflicted though, even then. **_

_"I... I'm lost.." Alfred said, his panic returning, but the Russian knelt down to soothe him, ruffling his hair. _

_**I didn't care though. After all... I used to think nothing would ever be more than friends..**_

_Ivan simply smiled, holding out a large hand. "Then let's go find him, da?" _

_**But... That day he took my hand for the first time..**_

_"Yeah!" Alfred said, grinning. _

_**That day I knew... I knew in my heart, that this was different. I didn't know how.. I just... did. **_

Alfred remembered this, and before he could say a word, it had been too late, the spell had escaped Arthur's mouth. And of course, it hurt like hell, like a headache you could never imagine, but what hurt him most was his chest, feeling like it was slowly crushing his lungs. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think.. damn.. he had his chance.. why the hell didn't he lay down the law? Why does everyone betray him? _Wait... what? What was I just thinking? No one betrayed me.. oh... god.. I have a meeting in the morning.. huh... better ask Artie what time... but of course in the morning.. I'm exhausted. _Alfred blacked out, Arthur being glad he didn't have to hear Alfred's arguements when he did it. "Hey, frog.. let's take him home.." Arthur muttered, seeing Francis poke his head back into the room. "I was thinking... he really was desperate for attention.. even before meeting Ivan.. you always ignored him as a child.. he'll be the same way when he wakes up... do you think.. their connection- and don't deny they have something..different- is special in some way? Call me insane.. but I have a feeling that every time.. Alfred will find his way to Ivan.. every time, in the dark. " Francis muttered. Arthur shook his head. "I sincerely doubt that.. If you feel so bad about it, just grab a sex doll and make it look like Alfred, then you can apologize and do whatever you want.." Arthur said, giving a timid smile. He was trying to be nice, of course, he wasn't very good at it, especially to Francis, so the Frenchman ignored the Brit's words. It was at the point where it didn't even sting anymore.

Alfred woke, his thoughts clouded. The alarm clock by his bed was playing his favorite song, '21 Guns' by Green Day, Artie made fun of him for it, not like he cared. He let it play out a little longer so he could wake up a little more before turning it off. A meeting today... fuck. He got out of bed, throwing on his typical garb, but couldn't find his bomber jacket, dude, did he ever forget his bomber jacket? No. So why now? Damn. He searched for an hour he really didn't have, his boss calling,wondering why he wasn't at the World Meeting. He was hit with a repeated pain in his side, quickly undoing his uniform to see a large would covering the majority of his abdomen, how did he not notice that? Oh well, there was no time. Five calls and two hours later, he gave up, getting in his car and driving at full speed toward the Conference Hall. He barged into the room, surprisingly quiet. Everyone looking up at the larger nation. "Uhm... Alfred.. Glad you could join us." Ludwig looked up, speaking nonchalantly as he typically did. "Er.. yeah." Alfred muttered, shooting a confused glance at Ivan, who had been staring at him with total confusion when he sat with his brother, instead of him, like he typically did. "Who's he?" he asked everyone, anyone in particular. He had to know.. it just seemed weird how he was being stared at. A loud, obnoxious whisper went through the room.

_Arthur actually did it?_

_You wouldn't think he'd have the nerve..._

_But how? _

_I hear he used his weird magic stuff._

_Totally! He'd been talking about it for like, ever, Liet. _

_Hai, Alfred's either playing with us, or he doesn't remember a thing. _

_Si.. but.. why? Alfred would have the strength to fight him off, right Ludwig?_

_I don't know.. honestly. _

_E-Estonia.. I think Ivan's getting angry.. what should we do?_

_Well.. you should probably stop talking about it when we get home.._

_Yesssss... if that stupid Brit made him forget.. brother Russia is all mine now.._

_Brother Russia? I'm sorry! Are you okay?_

_Ivan? Are you okay? Aru~_

"What... should I know?" he murmured, pouting a little. The room remained silent. Ivan looked at the table in front of him, more whispers surrounding everyone. "_Nyet! _I am not okay!" he finally screamed, standing up and walking over to Arthur, pressing him into the chair, getting into his face. "What did you do? What the hell gives you the authority!?" Ivan growled, his piercing gaze threatening to snap. Alfred stood up quickly, looking at the ordeal, happening three seats away. "Hey! Get away from him dude." he said, pulling his gun, holding it at his side. Before he knew it, Ivan was all over him, punching him and kneeing him, slamming him to the wall, strangling him. "How could you let yourself forget! You promised!" he cried, angry tears streaming down his cheeks. The room fell silent, with the exception of Alfred's chokes. "Dude... calm down.." he managed to sputter, dropping the gun and reaching up to ruffle his hair. "Just tell me what the matter is, you're obviously stressed.." he said, taking a breath when the grip on his throat released. If anyone else.. he probably would have shot them, but not this guy, he couldn't. "Nyet.. I'm sorry.. " Ivan whispered, rushing out of the room. Alfred persisted, following as well. "Hey, dude!" he called, Arthur watching, stunned. No! It couldn't happen. This wasn't meant to happen! "Alfred! No!" he called, going into the hallway, but when he got there, they were both gone, and when he went back in, a bomb of questions landed right on top of him.

"Ivan?" Alfred called, hearing muffled sobs from a supply closet, going in and closing the door behind him, not bothering to turn on the lights. "Dude... you okay?" he asked, reaching out to the man in the corner, putting a hand on his shoulder. "What the actual fuck is wrong?" he asked, stunned as to what could make the other this upset. "If I told you.. you'd think I was insane." Ivan shot back harshly, making Alfred shrink away. "No.. no I wouldn't. I know insane... I totally know." he chuckled, smiling. Ivan looked up, shivers running down Alfred's spine at those shiny, lilac hued eyes. "We.. we used to be together.." Ivan whispered hesitantly. "I was brutal and I hurt you... but we had our good times too... even still, nobody approved.." he murmured, pausing, getting no reaction. "Especially Arthur.. he hates me.. you've been brainwashed... I doubt you even remember how we first met..." Ivan grumbled. Alfred would have agreed with Ivan's first statement, that he was nuts, but something seemed, familiar, so he went along with it. "No.. I don't...Care to elaborate?" he asked, leaning against the wall, at this, Ivan began his story.


End file.
